Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - Captain Phill Jupitus

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
The Internet / Aunty Donna
« on: August 14, 2017, 08:33:44 PM »
They're a surrealist Australian comedy trio. They're real cool.

This is a short series of skits about an office in 1999:

This is a short series of skits about an Aussie summer buhbuhqueue:

Here's some of their live shows:

Ok, there's some gateway drug style introductions to Aunty Donna. You're welcome.

« on: August 09, 2016, 08:53:16 PM »

I can't believe I've gone on this long without discovering this, but this is the most important piece of information that has ever been revealed to me. I was browsing through the internet, seeing where it would take me, when I stumbled upon a fascinating essay, and the revelations contained within are what I'm here to talk about.
I have been lied to.
We have all been lied to.
(click to show/hide)

(click to show/hide)

Approved Profiles / Dingo
« on: July 22, 2016, 09:20:44 PM »

Off Topic / Realisation of the Day
« on: June 30, 2016, 08:12:22 PM »
My swear filter is back on
imma go turn it off again
stupid last year me
something something llama aaaaay lmao
or should that be

Off Topic / Things that annoy you
« on: June 30, 2016, 08:04:59 PM »
I'm seeing "new" on every topic, and I can't tell what's actually new and what's just from April.

Approved Profiles / Valerie Wisp
« on: April 14, 2015, 09:32:57 PM »

Off Topic / Methinks The Forums Doth Protest Too Much
« on: March 31, 2015, 01:13:04 PM »
Verily, there seems to come a frightful change of vernacular in our little literary chateu.
Truly, 'tis a most startling sight once thine own words become elder by 15 score or more years. 
In recent times, I myself have discovered a neck brace twixt my throat, or a patch of hairlessness creep across mine scalp.
My whiskers arrange themselves most delicately atop my lip, and I feel a sonnet grow at the back of my throat.
A disease most foul has struck these forums.
But they'll probs change the word filter back in a while.

Approved Profiles / Oisín
« on: February 17, 2015, 05:15:40 PM »

Approved Profiles / Leviticus Shiver
« on: February 14, 2015, 07:03:47 PM »

Movies & TV / Breaking Badder Call Saul
« on: February 11, 2015, 04:35:37 PM »
Good God, Better Call Saul is good.
So tense!
So good!
Michael Mando playing a crazy latino criminal! Again! BUT HE'S SO GOOD AT IT!
Tuco made to look more likeable as a character!
That prologue!
Ground yourself!
and also, MIKE IS BACK! Even if he is just asking for stickers.

Europe / The Factory
« on: February 10, 2015, 07:07:27 PM »

Europe / The French Catacombs
« on: February 07, 2015, 06:00:33 PM »

The Internet / Erfworld
« on: January 22, 2015, 05:09:10 PM »
This is absolutely my favourite webcomic.
It's like Game of Thrones, but with more popular culture references, puns, magic and lesbians.
read the damn thing plz

Book One, Page 1.
Book Two, Page 1.
Book Three, Page 1.
Book 0 (The Prequel), Page 1.

It's really long (and still being written), so I'd recommend you clear an hour of free time before you read book 1.

Africa / The South African Sanctuary
« on: October 29, 2014, 02:21:54 PM »
South African Sanctuary.

-Sanctuary Officials-
Grand Mage: Novis Diagon
Elder:  Petriscint Van Der Weeld
Elder:  Niklaus Pyre

Administrator: [OPEN]
Prime Detective: [OPEN]
Head Gaoler: [OPEN]
Head Artificer: [TAKEN]
Cleaver General: Johann Vermaak
Head of Medicine and Research: [TAKEN]

-The Council of the Elders-
The current South African Council of Elders has been in power for 15 years, and has faced much turmoil in their short rule. There are 3 Elders, as with most Sanctuaries. Niklaus Pyre, though young and inexperienced, was elected due to his vision and optimism. Petriscint Van der Weeld is self serving and manipulative, but experienced and intelligent. The Grand Mage, Novis Diagon, is passionate and quick to anger, but absolutely determined and, at least sometimes, wise. The 3 of them are extremely different in almost every way, and though this was intended to ensure a lack of bias and a fair ruling, it has instead caused indecisiveness. The current Council has been criticized many times for their weak leadership, but they are by no means lazy.

-Jobs and Missions-
The current and primary mission of the South African Sanctuary is combating the rise and spread of gangland crime, which has been encouraged by the success of Hellion Spawn in Northern and Central Africa. There have been attempts made to capture and sometimes kill the heads of the various gangs, but the gangs are like ants - kill 100, 1000 will replace them. As such, there has been little progress made in the anti-gang department. However, weapons development is at an all time high due to the Magic/Science division focusing on weapons rather than medical practice. Along with this, the Cleaver General Johann Vermaak has been pushing the Council for the green light for a project which he has code-named Project SACRED, which he claims will revolutionize the entire Sanctuary.

-The Repository-
The South African Repository is legendary - at the entrance are reinforced titanium doors, sealed by both mechanical deadlocks and enchanted locks, with MagiTek incorporated into the design. In order for the doors to open, their must a) be a person of suitable rank to pass a thumbprint scan and retinal scan, and b) be a MagiTeknician in the surveillance room to tell the doors to unlock once their identities are verified.
Inside the Repository are all the artifacts that the South Africans want to be kept safe, including samples of Mnemnosium, Pandorium and Asgardium, cloaking spheres, and other such things, with the crown jewel being the Crystal of the Saints, which is kept in a glass cage protected by a death field.

-The Tronk-
The South African Gaol, or Tronk, is a 500m long corridor filled with hundreds of bound cells. The Tronk is infamous for the cruelty it shows to it's inmates, and every criminal in the south of the continent fears it. The food is gruel, the bound cells are cramped and the guards are fist happy, even to the older inmates.

Prior to the assassination of the previous Grand Mage, there were no distinguishing features to separate the South African Cleavers from, say, the Irish. After the Grand Mage was killed, the former Cleaver Johann Vermaak was made Cleaver General. Under his leadership, the South African Cleavers have been made into a fearsome military force, favoring stealth and ambush tactics to open confrontation. Johann has taken over the indoctrination process himself, and ensures that his Cleavers are even more disciplined and brutal than the norm. Another distinguishing feature is the folding scythes they use, which can be drawn or put away much faster than the non-folding counterpart.
While under Vermaak, the South African Cleavers have come to be known colloquially as "Wolves" within the Sanctuary, and have adopted Vermaak's motto:
This is the law of the jungle, as old and as true as the sky, and the Wolf who shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die; as the creeper that circles the tree trunk, the law runneth forward and back. For the strength of the pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the pack.

The Sanctuary itself has the facade of a disused warehouse on a Cape Town dock. The entrance is solid concrete to look at, and is in fact magically reinforced. In order for the door to be opened, it is turned intangible, so entrants can walk straight through, and this intangibility can only be activated in one of 2 ways; either the guard behind the door opens it for you, or you have a high enough clearance for the door to automatically open. The layout of the Sanctuary itself is simple; a main corridor which leads to the Council meeting chambers - a large, circular room with multiple seats around the edges and a large, ornate mahogany table in the centre - with multiple branching corridors leading to the holding cells, the Repository, the Tronk, the labs and the surveillance room.

-History:The South African Sanctuary was founded during the beginning of the War with Mevolent in order to strengthen the defense of the continent from the Church of the Faceless and their supporters. The actions of the Church in South Africa during the War has led to the entire Sanctuary having a deep rooted mistrust of , even paranoia toward, the Faceless One's supporters, and, unlike in other countries, worshipers of the Faceless Ones are still illegal in South Africa, with execution being a common penalty. The current South African Council of Elders has been in power for 15 years, and has faced much turmoil in their short rule. In the last 30 years, the rise of Hellion Spawn in Northern and Central Africa led to drug dealing and gun smuggling becoming more widespread throughout the continent, and the failure of the other African Sanctuaries to put a stop to it led to Hellion's empire expanding across the South African Sanctuary's border. Pleasure, Wax and heroin was being sold throughout the mortal and magical communities in Zambia and Mozambique, and it was threatening to reach South Africa itself. The Grand Mage at the time began an anti-drug campaign to combat the rise in crime. Harsh penalties were incurred to the dealers, and attempts were made to get to the manufacturers - though a source has still not been recovered. Shockingly, as a warning to the Sanctuary not to go any further in the campaign, the Grand Mage was assassinated by an unknown sniper, and Novis Diagon took his place. In the chaos following this, Johann Vermaak, a former Cleaver who was infamous for his brutality, was installed as Cleaver General in order to ensure that such an outrageous event could never occur again. Vermaak has done multiple things to tighten security in the Sanctuary, including introducing his own brand of discipline and training to the Cleavers and operatives.

Outpost locations:
Cape Town, Johannesburg, Pretoria, Maputo, Lilongwe, Dodoma, Lusaka,    Kampala, Harare, Gaborone,  Luanda, Windhoek, Kigali, Bujumbura, Antananarivo.

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5