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Topics - ExtraterrestrialGuy

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Off Topic / Avengers avatar week - Endgame Edition
« on: April 18, 2019, 03:03:39 AM »
Remember, Disney pays me us for this. Purchase your Avengers: Endgame tickets today.

(click to show/hide)

The Books / Skulduggery Pleasant: Midnight [SPOILER TOPIC]
« on: May 31, 2018, 09:29:34 PM »
For those of you who have read the book, you may discuss it here without spoiler tags.

If you haven't read the book, we have a non-spoiler speculation thread here:

Off Topic / Five second rule
« on: May 12, 2018, 02:45:14 AM »
I've heard it's around 50/50, and that each group is mostly unaware of the other one even existing.

Off Topic / Avengers avatar week!
« on: April 21, 2018, 09:29:29 PM »
Claim your avatars here, or make your own. Either way, Disney pays us $1 for every member with an Avengers avatar.

The Avengers:

Age of Ultron:

Infinity War:


Off Topic / MOVED: How do you pronounce my name?
« on: March 12, 2018, 02:22:42 AM »

Skulduggery Pleasant / MOVED: Midnight speculation
« on: December 15, 2017, 02:27:40 PM »

Off Topic / MOVED: Blade Runner 1982 or 2049?
« on: October 23, 2017, 06:06:01 PM »
This topic has been moved to Movies and TV.

General Works / Bloody Retail (MA15+)
« on: June 17, 2017, 02:55:04 AM »
Bloody Retail is a dark comedy set in a retail store.
This will be an ongoing series.
Chapters will be released on a weekly basis, starting with Episode 1 tomorrow (Saturday) evening.
Feedback is appreciated.

MA15+, must be this tall to ride.



'Odso,' read the bright neon text on the store front. The orange light partially illuminated the group of workers bleeding out from its side exit, their shadows splayed across the car park. A bright light enveloped them, and they were gone. The now-empty car park stood still on the television screen.
     “Is that it?” asked the girl.
     “That's all the footage we have.” The man sitting across his desk rewinded the footage and it played out again.
     “That isn't much to go on.”
     “Which is why I want you undercover on this. These people disappeared. We need to know how.”
     The girl sighed in frustration and stared at the wall, looking for a way out. “Can't the local police handle it? I know I mucked up last time, but you're really sticking me with a missing persons case?”
     “We can't ignore the high rate of missing persons in that area.” He passed a file over the desk. “Read this, it contains your briefing and your new identity. Good luck, Evangeline.

Evangeline stood in the orange glow of the Odso logo, which shined across the dreary-looking building. The windows were barred and the car park smelled of cat pee. She was growing eager to speak to the checkouts supervisor, the last man to have seen the previous team.
     The side door opened.
     She smiled at a man in a shirt as he shook her hand. It was moist.
     “Hi, Evangeline. I'm Dick, the store manager.” He turned around and walked up the staircase, visibly perspiring with the effort.
     “Nice to meet you, Dick.” Evangeline followed him up the staircase, down a corridor and into a kitchen room. She took a seat at the table.
     “Thanks for arriving on time, I'm sure the others will be here soon.” His fat face was red and wet. He forced a smile and left the room, leaving Evangeline alone.
     Evangeline fiddled with her orange polo top's collar, trying to figure out whether or not it would itch less if she loosened a button.
     The door opened and a tall, dark and muscular man strode confidently in. He wore bright orange better than her. He approached the table, took a seat and leaned towards Evangeline. “Hiya! Nice to meet you! I'm Dula!” His voice was high pitched and he accentuated every vowel of every word.
   Evangeline was surprised by his voice, but didn't betray it. She smiled and extended her hand. “I'm Evangeline.”
     “Oh my gosh, that's such a gorgeous name!” He pressed his hands against his chest. “Where are you from?”
     Evangeline considered her undercover backstory. “London, but I've moved down here because it's quieter.”
     “How exciting!”
     Evangeline smiled. She tried her best to keep smiling and not to punch his teeth in. “Why did you apply here?”
     “Oh, it's summer break and I need some money. I don't want to stay here for very long. Not with, you know...”
     Evangeline leaned forward, reaching for the notebook in her bag. “What?”
     “Well, you know the last checkouts team disappeared, right?”
     Evangeline stared Dula in the eyes, assessing him. “I saw the video on the news.” She wrote Dula's name in her book, reserving a page for him.
     “I guess that's why it was so easy getting this job, though! Barely anyone applied!”
     Evangeline chuckled on cue. “Do you know how many others there are?”
     At that, the door burst wide open and an Asian man wearing sunglasses and an ill-fitting leather jacket strutted his way in. He was clean shaven, had his black hair gelled back and his fingers were fixed in a pointed position towards Evangeline and Dula. He clicked his teeth a few times and sat in a chair opposite them, feet up on the table.
     “Alright, guys? My name's Anu Dapupapu. You may know me as the world-famous Bollywood director.”
     Evangeline forced her eyes away from the spectacle to scribble his name down.
     “Oh yes,  I know you!” exclaimed Dula. “Your last movie was very bad...”
     “Yes. Unfortunately, that's why I'm here.” He looked sad for the briefest second before flashing a sleazy smile. “I didn't catch your name, beautiful.”
     Evangeline felt herself getting stressed and worked on composing herself.
     “My name's Dula! This is Evangeline!”
     “Oh, right.” Anu didn't look away from Evangeline. He stared at her for another second before nodding and whispering, “Nice!”
     Evangeline winced. She didn't picture this as the work of a field agent. Her talents were being wasted. The longer she sat with these idiots, the colder her killer's trail got.
     The lights flickered. The door opened, but it took a few seconds for anyone to walk in. A small and pale girl, with a perpetually puzzled expression, entered. She stopped walking and smiled at the trio for an uncomfortably long period of time. The lights died out. “Sorry... I forgot I was smiling.” She placed her fingers on her face and forced her mouth shut. The lights turned back on as she took a seat next to Anu.
     Evangeline eyed the girl for a second, but the girl wouldn't make eye contact. She held her pen out ready. “What's your name, dear?”
     The girl's head shot up in surprise. “My designation? It is Tronzorf.”
     “Hey,” said Anu. “Name's Anu Dapupapu, you may know me as—”
     “I'm Evangeline, this is Dula.” Evangeline smiled at Tronzorf.
     Tronzorf looked Evangeline in the eye for all of one second before returning her gaze to the floor below her. Her face reddened and her eyes widened. She placed a hand on her neck and strained.
     “Are you okay?” asked Dula. “When I get nervous, I usually take deep breaths. Like, when I do yoga!”
     Tronzorf inhaled loudly, her mouth and eyes agape. She continued looking at the floor, counting her breaths. “Thank you. Sometimes I forget.”
     Evangeline knew there was something wrong with the girl. She put a star by her name. “You forget how to breathe?” 
     “Yes. This is all very new to me.”
     “This is my first job too.” Anu didn't face away from Evangeline. “I never had to work before, being a world-famous—”
     “Hey, guys, thanks for showing up.” Dick walked in the open doorway and handed out papers amongst the group. “Before we get you downstairs to meet your supervisor, Gareth, I want us to go through a quick teambuilding exercise.”
     Dula jabbed Evangeline playfully. “Oh my gosh, that sounds so gay!”
     Dick chuckled nervously.
     “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” Tronzorf laughed deliberately. She looked back at the floor as everyone stared at her.
     “Okay, so I want you to split into partners. One of you will draw a picture, the other will interpret it as a visual aid for our Convenient, Speedy, Nicely scheme.”
     Evangeline sighed and gave a pen to Dula. She was much more interested in meeting this Gareth than drawing pictures.
     Dula giggled and showed her a phallic symbol.
     Evangeline smirked and looked over to Anu, who was starting to panic.
     “I'm sorry, guys. Sometimes I get these... anxiety attacks.” He leaned back in his chair dramatically, blood trickling down his nose. Tronzorf held a hand to her face so as not to witness the sight. Dick rushed to Anu.
     “Please, not another lawsuit. Dula, go downstairs and get the first aid kit. It's behind the checkouts.”
     This was Evangeline's chance to meet Gareth. It was also her chance to get away from these weirdos. “I'll go!” She rushed for the door.
     “Please hurry, Beautiful!”

General Works / My Tetris Fanfiction
« on: April 17, 2017, 03:30:38 AM »

Fight Club / Battle of the Governments
« on: February 24, 2017, 02:03:55 AM »


Lim chooses the US Government.
I choose the Galactic Empire.

This is a contest of
a) who best provides security and
b) who best upholds human rights for their respective citizens.

This isn't a contest of who would win in a war.

Movies & TV / Worst films of 2016?
« on: January 01, 2017, 12:07:39 AM »
*not yet released in the UK, will also be included in next year's poll

The list is just off the top of my head. If there's any film not on there, just post it and I'll add it in. You can only vote once and you can't change your vote.

BvS and Independence Day.

Didn't see Apocalypse, but I have a feeling I would have voted for that too.

Movies & TV / Best films of 2016?
« on: December 31, 2016, 11:59:31 PM »
*not yet released in the UK, will also be included in next year's poll

The list is just off the top of my head. If there's any film not on there, just post it and I'll add it in. You can only vote once and you can't change your vote.

I've gone for Civil War, Sully and Rogue One.

I can't wait to watch Hacksaw Ridge but I missed it in cinemas.

General Works / Darth Vader's First Christmas
« on: December 31, 2016, 05:34:43 AM »
"On 25 December, 2000 BBY, our saviour Sheev Palpatine was born. On this day, he was visited by the three wise men who brought spice, kyber crystals and Jelucani fogstones.

In celebration of Life Day, it is your civic duty to aid in the extraction of these materials through your local mining depot."

-- Imperial civil service publication

Darth Vader's First Christmas

My astromech droid forgot to sound my alarm this morning. His name was XM-4S and his red/green paint job defied Imperial regulations. Apparently this was acceptable, for he was a Life Day gift from some officer.
    However, today was an important day and the droid had failed me.
    I ignited my lightsaber and sliced through it like an acklay through Geneosian hordes.
    It whined as its dome disconnected from the body and slid to the shiny surface of my bedroom floor.
    I sensed nothing. As droids do not have feelings, it was a most unsatisfactory kill. I walked to the calander hanging on the far wall, using the Force to summon my cape from the coat hanger.
    Today was the 24th.
    Today, I had a date.

"So, what's the average day for the Dark Lord of the Sith?" The Acting Captain sat across the table from me, her hair catching the starlight.
    My breathing box quickened as it struggled to synchronise with my ever-increasing heart rate. I stared at her for a standard second before formulating an appropriate response to her question, resisting the urge to monologue about my love for her, juxtaposed against my dislike for democracy and sand. "I assist the Imperial Navy when and where I am required to do so."
    She smiled and sighed. "I know that, otherwise we wouldn't be on this operation-- Wait, there he is!"
    I swung around to see the rebel spy we had been baiting.
    The Acting Captain moved swiftly, drawing her sidearm and leaping across the dining hall.
    I lamented the fact my date was over. I was a fool for thinking she actually liked an ugly bantha like me. Dejected, I slowly stood from my seat and commanded the Force to hold the rebel spy in place.
    "Nice work!" gasped the Acting Captain.
    In an attempt to look cool, I ignored her and strode towards the spy, the Force's grip on his throat tightening. I drew my lightsaber and did some spins to impress her. I then thrust the crimson blade deep into his chest, feeling his pain and anguish through the Force.
    "What have you done?!" she cried, checking the rebel scum for a pulse. "We were supposed to take him alive!"
    The Emperor would not be pleased, but worse, the Acting Captain thought me... incompetent. I could feel it.

"You killed her?!" cried D0-BL3. A protocol droid. Another Life Day gift that haunted my quarters.
    "The Emperor could not know of my failing."
    "At this rate, the odds of your finding a romantic companion are very low."
    "Mind your words, droid. I would have your memory wiped again." 
    "You wipe my memory banks every time you kill a date."
     I raised my hand in warning.
    "N-not that I remember any of that, my Lord."
    "Prepare the bacta tank. And have your memory banks wiped."
    He hesitated before hurrying off. "Right away, my Lord."
    The droid was right. I had given too much attention to romantic pursuits, diverting from my military operations. I was supposed to be the enforcer, I was supposed to fix things when they went wrong. However, two decades of training and killing had left me lonely. I decided that I would finish my mission here on Jelucan, where I was currently stationed in orbit, before committing to another romantic endeavour. The miners planetside had been colluding with rebel cells. They were attempting to divert valuable materials away from the Empire's grasp. I let my anger at the situation swell, in turn drawing power from the Force as I had been taught. I would end this quickly, but first I needed a bacta bath.

I rushed out of my bedroom and into the corridors of the Life Day Tree, a rather odd name for a Star Destroyer. I ignored the stormtroopers who stood to attention as I passed them.
    "Ooh, excuse me!" cried a female officer as she turned a corner and bumped into me. She had a cybernetic arm implant, but otherwise conformed to the Empire's standards.
    I stared at her, my breathing box filling the silence that ensued. "My apologies. I was on my way to the bacta room, unless you need it first...?"
    "No, no! I prefer ointment." She smiled and flexed her metallic hand.
    D0-BL3 appeared from the bacta room on the other end of the corridor. When he saw me, he stopped in place and waved with both arms. He rested his elbow casually against the wall, leaning close against a stormtrooper that was standing at attention.
    I mimicked him. My helmeted head moved closer to the officer's face and my sensors and filtration system picked up a pleasant fragrance. "My name is Lord Vader, but my friends call me Darth."

Off Topic / Christmas avatar month!
« on: November 30, 2016, 01:08:28 AM »
What it says on the box, kids.

Off Topic / Thinking of voting Hipduggery? THINK AGAIN
« on: November 05, 2016, 11:09:53 PM »

It can be tempting to vote for the enigmatic underdog (Hipduggery finished Round One with 14 votes to Chicken's 16), but careful consideration must be taken.

This isn't going to be a long post, it is simply going to lay out the facts about the Hipduggery character. This will be done in five points.

Hipduggery is of morally wrong character

Quote from:  C12.5
“I’ll need to see some ID first.”
“Sure.” Hipduggery showed the little man his organ donor card.

He abandoned Skulduggery during the war

During the war, Hipduggery caught a bad case of disco fever and decided to join the circus

He lacks ambition

Quote from: C12.5
Skulduggery rolled his eyes and threw a nametag at Hipduggery, followed by a McDerek’s uniform. Hipduggery looked up and Skulduggery smiled.

Nobody knows who he is

why is he an optional smiley on the forums where did he come from??

He is an alien parasite who feeds off internet forums

The Skulduggery Forums Index visible on the screen became smaller and smaller as Hipduggery fed on its data. Its body became more twisted and jagged as its true form was revealed.

Hipduggery hates us

Hipduggery let out a raspy breath as its gaze moved to the Skulduggery Forums membership pin badge on Skulduggery's top. One of its tentacles slid down from its skull and lashed at the badge, snapping it in two. The other tentacle reached down and pulled the pieces back into Hipduggery's skull, consuming it.


All of these years, both he [Skulduggery] and the Skulduggery Forums community truly had no idea how vile and macabre its [Hipduggery] true form was.

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