Author Topic: HIPDUGGERY: Behind the Afro  (Read 581 times)


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HIPDUGGERY: Behind the Afro
« on: October 28, 2016, 01:07:02 AM »

The poll result was very clear. Hipduggery had bested his brother.
Skulduggery sighed and rubbed his forehead, moaning as his hand slid down his face. He took a sip from his beer and slammed the laptop shut.
The music coming from Hipduggery's room died down. The funky skeleton was turning in for the night.
“These are my forums,” said Skulduggery, clutching his Skulduggery Forums membership pin badge. “How dare he be more popular than me.” Skulduggery placed the membership pin badge on his t shirt and sneaked up the stairs, careful not to wake Hipduggery. Once atop, he tip toed to his brother's bedroom and pushed the door open.
“No, I don't believe in climate change...” muttered Hipduggery in his sleep. He rolled away from Skulduggery. “It's a myth perpetuated by eco terrorists...”
Skulduggery felt it odd to hear such odd phrases from the soul skeleton's mouth, but he focused on his objective. Hipduggery's laptop, sabotage. He broke the no magic house rule and manipulated the air to levitate the laptop towards him. Once he had it, he rushed out of the bedroom and into his, gleeful as he turned the laptop on.
“Enter password,” read the screen.
Skulduggery sighed in frustration, but got to guessing.
“Cirus,” “Funky,” “Afro,” “Trump,” “Heart,” “I <3 TRUMP.”
“Password accepted,” read the screen at the last insertion.
Skulduggery was baffled by the success of his random keyboard rambling, but clicked his fingers and navigated Hipduggery's desktop for his browser, which for some reason was Internet Explorer. As he looked for the Skulduggery Forums in its history, he noted the bizzare searches Hipduggery had made:
“I hate democracy,” “how to sell drugs to children,” “hitler inspirational quotes,” “why do people hate hitler?” “afro wigs ebay,” “how to act groovy when you're not,” “how to send signals back to mothership.”
Skulduggery was shocked that his brother wore a wig, but set that aside to ponder the mothership question. He clicked on the search history but was interrupted when the door opened.
“Hey, bro!” It was Hipduggery. “What are you doing with my computer?”

Skulduggery felt frustrated and disappointed that he couldn't investigate further, nor that he could sabotage Hipduggery's account on the Skulduggery Forums. He was never going to win the popularity poll at this rate. He smiled at Hipduggery.
“Sorry, my computer broke. I was just checking the polls on your guest account.”
“I don't have a guest, rahahahhrrawwWa!” Hipduggery stumbled forward and threw up a green fluid. His afro wig fell off.
“What the Askadlkjadskl?!” cried Skulduggery. “Are you alright?”
“Give me back my laptop, ereeeaawrraah!”
Skulduggery had to decide what to do. Either give up the laptop and appease the hysterical Hipduggery, or refuse and confront the reality that he didn't truly know who his brother really was.
“Alright! Alright! No problem!” Skulduggery handed the laptop out to Hipduggery.
Hipduggery hissed as he yanked the laptop away and scurried back to his bedroom on all fours.

Skulduggery waited until Hipduggery had quietened down before rushing to his laptop downstairs. He accessed his PMs and began composing one to Kiiyashi.
“Kiiyashi, Hipduggery's acting really weird. I think you should ban him before he--”
The Forums went down.
Skulduggery panicked and refreshed for what felt like hours. When the Forums were back, a whole year's worth of data was missing.
“REEHAAAAAARRHHH!” screamed Hipduggery from upstairs.
Skulduggery suddenly felt nervous at the thought of seeing his brother in this state. Hipduggery was a cool, laid back and groovy man, not a monstrous far-right climate change denier. He contemplated waiting until the morning to speak to Hipduggery, but the frequent wailings from upstairs felt like continuous slaps to the face. He needed to confront his brother. Skulduggery sprinted up the stairs and kicked Hipduggery's bedroom door down.
Inside, Hipduggery's skeletal body twisted and contorted. His rib cage slung outwards and tentacles burst through his eye sockets. He hunched over, ignoring Skulduggery, and held his laptop screen with both hands.
“I... rreeehahawwr... I must... feed!”
Skulduggery couldn't speak to his brother like this. All he could do was gasp and taking a lazy step back, observing the ghastly spectacle before him.
The Skulduggery Forums Index visible on the screen became smaller and smaller as Hipduggery fed on its data. Its body became more twisted and jagged as its true form was revealed.
Skulduggery's brother, who once stood shrouded in clothes forged by the hands of the Disco gods, was lost.

Skulduggery couldn't accept it at first, but Hipduggery's true form had all but confirmed it. It was an extraterrestrial creature feeding off internet forums. Was he still his brother? What had happened all those years ago when Hipduggery left to join the circus? What would happen to the Skulduggery Forums now?
Hipduggery growled in content as it finished feeding on the Skulduggery Forums, the domain now available once again. It let go of the laptop and faced Skulduggery.
A tear fell from Skulduggery's eye socket as he summoned fire in his palms.
“What did you do to Hipduggery?”
“Reeheeearraeww!” it screamed in reply.
Skulduggery tossed the two balls of fire at Hipduggery and rushed at him, landing punches and kicks when the fire failed to kill it.
Hipduggery, now twice the size in its true form, effortlessly grabbed Skulduggery by the wrists and looked him straight in the eye sockets.
Skulduggery sniffed and smiled. The beast had calmed down. Now he could find out what had overcome his brother.
Hipduggery let out a raspy breath as its gaze moved to the Skulduggery Forums membership pin badge on Skulduggery's top. One of its tentacles slid down from its skull and lashed at the badge, snapping it in two. The other tentacle reached down and pulled the pieces back into Hipduggery's skull, consuming it.
Skulduggery whimpered in defeat, looking down from the monstrous entity that was his brother. All of these years, both he and the Skulduggery Forums community truly had no idea how vile and macabre its true form was.

Hipduggery's tentacles latched on Skulduggery's skull and split it in two. It looked out of its window at a bright light that signaled it. Looking back at the corpse of its once-brother, Hipduggery leapt through the window and allowed itself to be carried away by its mothership's tractor beam.

The End.
« Last Edit: November 05, 2016, 11:04:42 PM by ExtraterrestrialGuy »

Mad Murdock

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Re: HIPDUGGERY: Behind the Afro
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2016, 08:16:32 AM »
Lies. All lies. I will not believe this propaganda.

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Captain Phill Jupitus

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Re: HIPDUGGERY: Behind the Afro
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2016, 11:43:51 PM »


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Re: HIPDUGGERY: Behind the Afro
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2016, 06:54:56 AM »
Oh my God. This is quality stuff. I can't breathe.  C:)

"oh, but I'm a villain, darling - and villains don't get happy endings."

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